By living in company with the spiritually immature one grieves for a long time. Association with the spiritually immature is always painful, like association with an enemy. Association with the wise is pleasant, like the coming together of relatives.
Above = verse 207 of the Dharmapada
I was browsing though the Dharmapada and came across this verse that struck me, We talked about the spiritually immature section last week, and this verse was conspicuous by its absence, however it does point out something that is very familiar about hanging out with certain people.
It reminded me in particular of the distant past in 2009 when I used to work as an accountant in this plush office in soho square. I enjoyed some aspects of my job, including working as a team and communicating things with others, but every lunchtime, I made a point of wandering round London on my own. In this hour, the stresses of the job would fall away and I would start to savour the sweet taste of solitude, and a meditative awareness.
I used to deliberately avoid hanging out with my co workers. They would sometimes speculate where I went, but I would never tell them for fear that they would invite themselves along with me. Once or twice I ended up spending the hour with them, and it felt painfully exactly as the Buddha described it, I felt a sense of loss that instead of tasting meditation, I was involved in a stupid superficial conversation,
For me, it sort of comes down to energy.
The Buddha uses words like grieving, and pain. That is exactly how I would feel if I had to spend time with one of these people. I would also feel stifled,
Actually for me It is not only spiritually immature people, but just the enforced loss of my meditation experience. Another example would be coming off a long retreats and forced to watch a boring tv programme,
Also when I come off a retreat, sometimes I need to be alone a bit more until the shamata has worn off a bit. Otherwise I can be a bit irritable and push people away as I try to hold onto my experience . When the Buddha uses the words grieving and pain, I think he must have felt similar things and that was one of the reasons that he adopted the bhikku lifestyle,
Another painful experience of this type was then I went for a holiday with an ex girlfriend in North Wales. We were quite near vajraloka and I felt sad because I was reminded if the previous time I was in the area, and had had some blissful meditations, but that time I was trapped very firmly in samsaric mundane consciosmess
To give up ones pleasure and wealth to become homeless like the Buddha did, would take a vey strong experience to motivate him to do it,
Reading this verse, I can see that the motivation was two sided not only was it moving towards the bliss of enlightenment it was also moving away from pain. The pain of boring mundane society.
If you are used to it, and part of it, then you don’t really notice how painful mundane existence is. It is just life.
Although most people seem to be quite glum most of the time. Just look at people’s faces on the tube. And there is that saying “Life’s a bitch and then you die”. Many people grit their teeth and somehow manage to muddle through the horrific monday morning feeling till the bliss of Friday afternoon, then exhausted they grab a bit of rest and pleasure at the weekend before the horrible weekly cycle restarts.
Another example I can think of is when I was younger, and had just discovered Buddhism. I got very addicted to reading dharma books, and anything that transported me up into that realm. I was living with my parents at the time, and I remember being sat in my bedroom reading the Tibetan book of the Dead. My father knocked at the door, and asked me why I didn’t come into the lounge with him and my mother to watch TV. I refused point blank. The whole idea seemed riduculous. Why would I want to lose my dharmic high and watch something stupid on TV. It would have been painful, and I would have gone into a grieving reaction, just like the Buddha said.
One thing I particularly don’t like is when other people start drinking. They just become boorish, insensitive, loud. They think they are funny when they are just being boring and aggressive.
All of the above can also be seen as talking about the first noble truth, or the dukkha lakshana. It is just one aspect of it. Association with people trapped in this dukkha tends to draw us into that experience too.
I hope I have not given the impression that I am a misanthrope. I do sometimes enjoy spending time with people. Especially spiritually mature people. For example, when I go on retreat, I am sometimes blasted away by the metta there. I can feel effortlessly lifted up into the clouds. So the Buddha uses the phrase “pleasant” and like “the coming together of relatives”. I think this is a good metaphor. My family are a mixed bag of people, but when I am with them, I do really feel at home. Like I don’t have to prove anything. That they accept me just the way I am, so I can relax completely, and just be myself. It is this same feeling of relaxation that I feel with spiritually mature people. That they accept me too just the way I am.
Having said all that, it is not always so clear cut. At least not in my experience. Sometimes I enjoy the company of the spiritually immature. Especially if they make me laugh, or feel loved. And sometimes it can be difficult with the spiritually mature. Especially if I don’t know them so well, or there is some sort of barrier, or psychological projection between them.
But most important for me, is that I can now understand why the Buddha kept on talking about the advantages of solitude, the homeless life, and spiritual friends. Once you have got used to the pleasurable meditative lifestyle it can be quite painful to have to lose that.